When I started this blog, I was like you and your boyfriend—excited. Hell, very enthusiastic and eager to keep it filled with awesomeness that screams and says, ‘hey, my life is amazing!’
But, hell no, it’s not. At least, not everyday. The past year has been particularly difficult. 2016 is the winner of ‘the greatest transition award’ of my life (so far) where I had to go through a whole new world where I have expected a hundred thousand dreams to see…all after eight years of pseudo-independence. To spill the beans and keep you kind of engaged (because, hey, I can be an attention whore sometimes, too – right?), the issue is that I left my Alladin behind. Don’t roll your eyes ‘coz this is another break-up story.
From 2008, I have lived away from my family. That was when I started college and thought I was too smart. Damn, I have been an idiot. I can either ignite you with rage or bore you to death with countless stories of my life-ruining escapadesthat no one the hell in my family found out about. Ever. Because I was a spy, just like that.
The thing is, I am part of the mob. I am mafia, badass. Bam!
Lie. Well, I guess my trend explains the name I picked for the site. I sugarcoat a lot and I would bet my ass you do, too – maybe not as much as I(?) See, I said sugarcoat when I actually meant I have been a liar – a very, very deceitful one. But, we all sugarcoat and this can be a ‘fun’ problem with people. And, like too much of all things fun, it turns to ‘bad’ and, the next thing you’ll feel is the ricochet that hit your bottom.
I mean, you might love it if you’re Goddamn gay, who knows? Okay, shut up, judgmental you – I love my gay friends and we joke a lot. I was serious, though.
Lie. For days, I have been trying to come up with a pseudonym. “Dear Sugar” or “Hey Honey” sort of thing to communicate as so you don’t figure out who the hell this crazy, ranting person is. I also imagined cute thumbnails of cats or penguins or piglets – you know, to go with my sugar or honey or bumblebee. But, why would I hide behind a cat when I can be annoying being me, and not an orange?
Life is not cotton candy. It’s difficult, a struggle, and a journey. For resilience and freedom of my soul’s sakes, I want to be out—transparent and honest for the first time in my life.
I have been enduring crap and I know I am yet to endure more crap. Chil, you will, too~ *winks*
Here’s a sample. I saw myself starting this project of a wonderful ’30 days of stories’ prompt I found two years ago. Must I say yay because I stopped at day two? Sure. Zero consistency, very unreliable, horrible work ethic, blablabla.
Lie. No way. For years, I punished and blamed my self for how things turn out and how life failed. To be how my (recent ex)boyfriend, my family, and the society have envisioned has been all that mattered. Then, it hit me like whiskey. After having had too much – as I hope it does for you as well – I understood that I buy my shit, and I pay for my choices after all!
I am not proud of shit, don’t get me wrong. But, it’s my shit. I did it and I have the option to watch it float and disgust myself or I could flush it down the drain and forget about it. I may even choose not to not look at it before I let it go because tomorrow I will shit again. With the right food choices, it must feel easier. Besides, I got better things to do.
Truth. Thus, I apologize to me and I forgive me.
2017 is the year where I should stop being hard on myself. It is my year of discovery and truthfulness. I invite you to journey with me, wherever and whoever you are, my faraway and lost soul sister in heartbreak, drama, and Lady Gaga (admit it).
Let’s get out and don who we are. Let us stain ‘em all haters with red lisptick like we just found out we’re the bosses of us. Without doing harm to anyone, but bringing joy to those we love. Without inflicting pain on ourselves, but fueling our very desires.
So long, old me! I am out. When will you be?